I Can't Believe It's Not Shakespeare

Like our “producing guru” Lauren, the idea of blogging was unappetizing to me. Not out of a crippling self-doubt, but general disinterest. Then I saw the trailer for Julia and Julie.

This was it! My inspiration! I, too, am a sad-sack, cubicle-dwelling drunk! I would simply emulate someone who was already famous and blog about it and get rich when it gets made into a movie! But who could I emulate?

In a case of perfect timing, it turns out Personal Hero Kanye West has just released a book of aphorisms titled THANK YOU AND YOU’RE WELCOME

So I wrote up my inaugural post of MANNY AND KANYE concerning my experience putting this bit of wisdom to work:

To most people the saying “to use someone,” carries a negative connotation. But I don’t see it that way. To “mis,” “over” or “ab” use someone is negative. To use is necessary. And if you can’t be used, then you’re useless.

Minutes after submitting my blog post I get a call from our blog editor.

Me: Brilliant, right?

Charlene: A couple of things. First, this is way too long. People are not gonna want to read thirty pages of you convincing people to…I don’t even want to say. Additionally, I think pages eight to ten may even be criminal.

Me: Charlene-

Charlene: That’s not my name, and if you think-

Me: Fine. I’ll cut it down! What else?

Charlene: Second, this has nothing to do with theater.

Me: What? Theater? But everything is theater, Char-

Charlene: ICBINS is a theater company! This is a theater blog! Fix it, or you’re fired!

The callous, sex-deprived tone of her voice was effectively emasculating and inspiring all at once. I am not just a low-level government employee with a burgeoning drinking problem, I thought to myself, I am a playwright with a burgeoning drinking problem!

Somewhere between the God-awful jobs and willingly becoming a crazy cat lady, a barely produced playwright can forget that theater isn’t a solitary art. Gimmick or genius alone can’t bring anyone success (though both are good). A playwright needs producers, directors, designers, attractive actors and many, many others. Glory can only come on the backs of other people. As Kanye says, you have to use people and let yourself be used. This is the only way to survive the mob, and eventually the day will come, Playwright, when your words will sway the mob in your favor with your work becoming the gospel of the twenty-first century.

Until then, why not use us and let us use you? Submit your play for our reading series at submissions@icbins.com.

-Manuel Fernando Perez