I Can't Believe It's Not Shakespeare

Is this missing from your productions?

It’s no secret that scantily clad ladies and bare-chested men have been drawing audiences to all types of media since Adam and Eve noticed each other’s naughty parts.

Even with a failing economy one thing remains constant….SEX IS SELLING

To Producers: If you’ve been struggling to get people in the seats it may be time to reevaluate the material you are presenting to your audience.   You need to be asking your writers a few questions before you decide to take on their projects:

Writers: Is your work inspiring? Is it well written? Would your renowned professors at that prestigious university you went to be proud? If you answered yes to these questions- that’s great, no no, that’s terrific!  But the question you should be asking is: Does your stageplay/screenplay contain two or more smoking hot women making out? Skim through your stage directions…is there sideboob?

Here are a few Statistics, after the jump:

People spent $71 million on opening weekend to see hot women make out on cars in the Fast & Furious.  Oscar buzz? Unlikely.  Pants buzz? I think SO.

Some of the longest running shows on Broadway contain great music and fabulous performances, but more importantly they offer good old fashioned raunchiness.

Take a look at musicals like Chicago (provocative cabaret inmates), Rent (provocative cabaret indigents), and Avenue Q (provocative cabaret puppets).  All are doing quite well at the box office.

According to playbill.com, Chicago filled 88.2% of its seats last week, while Shrek the Musical filled only 57.1%.  Perhaps Shrek’s producers would do well to add a little nip-slip somewhere during the performance; I can guarantee they’d have no trouble filling those seats after that.

So there you have it in COLD HARD MEMBERS NUMBERS.  Every single person in the audience needs to be stimulated both mentally and physically, whether it be subconscious arousal or the more blatant and awkward.  When people go to the theater they don’t want to leave with something intellectual and contemporary to banter about around the punch bowl.

As the producer, you have the power – don’t be afraid to ask your writers to do a few rewrites.  The plot isn’t going to be affected with the addition of one small steamy make-out session or a gratuitous wardrobe malfunction.  It can only incite better and more word-of-mouth!  In this day and age, for a production to be truly successful the audience needs to cry and laugh their socks off, go home and get their rocks off.

Till next time,

Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer, Pragmatist