I Can't Believe It's Not Shakespeare

producer benefits

No one is satisfied with their paycheck – except you. If there’s anything easier than stealing candy from a baby, it’s stealing money from an artist.  This includes anyone on the creative side of the production team.  These folks are fulfilling some kind of “dream” of theirs and would be willing to work for mere pennies.  YOU on the other hand, and those on the business side of the team are the brains of the operation – the reason these artists are successful.  Therefore, YOU should be paid liberally. That is after all why you studied something practical and boring like Finance, Economics or Cinema Studies.

cack              cack                                                         cack

perfect worker

Your production staff includes twice as many medics than normal productions.  Not only do your employees tremble in fear at the sound of your voice, inflated occurrences of stress induced panic attacks are humdrum around your set.  Better to be feared than loved so they say.  I couldn’t agree more.  Nothing encourages a more dedicated and enthusiastic worker than unmitigated fear.

cack

you at night

Crying yourself to sleep at night.  It takes a superhuman ability to create the perfect work environment with the most efficient methods of operation.  As the producer, you not only have the most responsibility but the most important responsibility.  You must summon divine Herculean powers to endure such a task.  It stands to reason you’d need ample time at night to return to normalcy.  If you’re not crying yourself to sleep, you’re doing something wrong – obviously, you’re not working hard enough.

cack

And finally, the foremost indicator for success:                           cack

Bitches

Bitches

-Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer Extraordinaire