I Can't Believe It's Not Shakespeare

With a busy schedule and a near-empty wallet, it’s almost impossible for me to check out the countless number of shows going up here in New York (and all over the world, really).  Thus, I rely on the detailed reporting of The New York Times, The New Yorker, and occasionally Variety, to keep myself up-to-date with what’s coming, going, and what might be taking the art in a crazy new direction (I originally wanted to post about this, but may hold off til I see it/it blows my mind).

The rest of this post doesn’t really fall into any of those three categories.  Instead, it just made me laugh, and it’s worth a share if only because such ridiculousness can nab you a headline (applicable!).

This month, none other than Jerry Springer concluded a run as Billy Flynn in the West End production of Chicago, and he may take over the role on Broadway.  Yeah, that Jerry Springer.  According to The Times article, Jerry really identified with Flynn, and with an impressive stint on Dancing with the Stars, it wasn’t long before the producers roped him in.

You can’t beat stunt casting.  Or just making weird choices.  Any publicity is good publicity.

To continue this silliness (and hopefully inspire some desperate producers), here are my picks for other talk show hosts who could use a stint on stage:

1. Barbara Walters stars in “MAME” – If working with all the other women from “The View” hasn’t made Barbwah crazy enough to play Auntie Mame…well then maybe she shouldn’t and we’ll just get any of ther other women.
2. Maury Povich stars in “HAIRSPRAY” - Maury has that creepy old Wilbur Turnblad kind of vibe.  Also, he’s great with race relations.  I wouldn’t mind seeing an added scene where Wilbur attempts to discover the real father of Penny Pingleton’s child.  Seeeeaweeeeed?
3. Rachel Ray stars in “MARY POPPINS” - Rachel Ray is practically Poppins already: she has magical powers like talking fast than the speed of light or jaws that allows abnormal amounts of smiling, she makes cooking fun, and her husband probably makes her sing every night (and not just because he’s in a rock band…zing!)
4. Bill O’Reilly stars in “1776″ – It’s time to America back to Broadway.  And who better to wipe the the stage clean of left-wing hippie scum than Bill, in his triumphant take as John Adams.  In fact, I think he could play any part.  In FACT, let him play all the parts.  Bill O’Reilly is “1776 by 1″.  He also plays the flag.
5. Jimmy Fallon in “Shrek: the Musical” – Then maybe it’ll close.

See, wouldn’t this make theater so much better?