I am thrilled to announce that I Can’t Believe It’s Not Shakespeare has been working on a very (a)rousing new project by our always fruitful writer (not to mention the artistic director of ICBINS), Julia Rae Maldonado.

ICBINS is collaborating with the Stella Adler Studio of Acting for this workshop production of Andy Takes a Husband, a new comedy about a troubled young American sex symbol.

This performance will be FREE to the public!

Our Stella Adler actors include:  Jesse Barrera, Isabelle Zufferey Boulton, Julian Conde and Nao Dobashi.

Performances will be the last weekend in July! More details and reservation info to come later this week!

Occasionally, my facebook wife and fellow ICBINS business partner Julia will invite me along to some off-off-off production or workshop and I’m usually skeptical and almost always half-dreading it in the days preceding.  But one thing remains constant: I am ALWAYS proven wrong and end up enjoying the hell out of the performances.  Never again will I doubt her.  This past weekend Julia asked if I’d come see NYNEO’s workshop performance of William Shakespeare’s Henry VI.  To be honest I had never read this play or seen a production of it before and I was a little unsure of how I’d receive it.  You see, a few years ago Denzel Washington shot me with a tranquilizer gun, wait no – I saw him in an excruciatingly soporific Broadway rendition of Julius Caesar, and since then I’ve been afraid of falling asleep through Shakespeare.

This however, was not the case with Henry VI.  I can tell you that the play was brilliant and so were the actors, who could not have been better cast.  The NYNEO ensemble is a relatively new theater company like ICBINS that is dedicated to producing Shakespeare’s work and they are damn good at it.  For those not so well versed in Shakespeare, Henry VI is a three part series chronicling the history following the death of King Henry V.  What would normally be over a 6 hour performance, the director Bill Griffin put together a solid abridgment that ran about 2 hours.  All of the actors, clad mostly in all black, were exceptional.  I was particularly impressed with the performances of Margaret, played by Maya Erskine, and Henry VI, played by John Kurzynowski.

So far I have seen two performances by the NYNEO ensemble: Twelfth Night and Henry VI, and both were exceptional.  Never again will I let the painful memory of Denzel’s lackluster portrayal of Marcus Brutus deter me from seeing Shakespeare again.  Sometimes Broadway doesn’t always get it right, and who needs them when you’ve got a group like NYNEO that cranks out great Shakespeare with a fresh philosophy?  If they are any indication of what Gen Y is bringing to theater then we all have a lot to look forward to.

-Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer, Denzel Survivor

the infamous bed

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away (Queens), I Can’t Believe It’s Not Shakespeare premiered its first production: The Bros’ Play by our very own artistic director Julia Rae Maldonado.  Of all the excitement and goings on of a putting together a production there was one aspect of the entire process that seemed to demand a lot more of our time and attention than we had expected.  One word: Bed.  The focal point of the stage, the place where sin and filth would merge, and believe me, it did.

All of the other props and set dressings were easy enough to come by and fairly painless to schlep to the theater.  But where on Earth do you find a place that sells nice enough beds for dirt cheap AND provides cut-rate transportation in the form of sketchy van rides from “Big Bob” to the Theater?  I’ll tell you where: IKEA – the bastard child of capitalism and meatball loving Swedes.

We opted for the second most inexpensive model, the DALSELV.  So now all we had to do was put it together and Voilà! A bed for the set, right?  Not so fast – the bed frame was made of that inferior pale wood they call pine.  So we had to stain it a nice “walnut” color.  After hours of toxic fume inhalation and extensive brain cell death (which lead to my commandeering of the downstairs bathroom) we had successfully stained the bed frame “carrot piss”.

But before we stained the bed we made one grave error that would cause many many epic fails in the coming days, namely – during the performances.  Word of Advice: Use ALL of the parts that IKEA tells you to in their nice little picture instructions.  Do not let the playwright tell you “oh yeah we don’t need THIS part”.

From the looks of it, the bed was sturdy.  But when one of your actors needs to sit down (and mind you he could have been a defensive tackle) you can’t exactly tell him to be careful when using the bed, they have better things to worry about like…I don’t know, acting.

So as you can imagine, the bed was a disaster waiting to happen from the very beginning.  During the first three performances a number of slates holding the mattress up would fall to the ground, rendering the bed useless.  Luckily our actors were pros and somehow managed to stay alive while using that bed and pretend it wasn’t kaput.

For the final performance we decided: NO MORE!  We would do whatever it took to make sure our actors could hook up in a bed that was reliable and worthy.  Our only option: It was time to screw in the bed.  Or better yet, we needed to nail, nail in the bed.  After exhausting this joke for hours, we nailed the slates to the bed frame.  And for once, the bed held up.  Success!

After all that trouble, all those hours spent staining, screwing and nailing in that bed, our last performance went off without a hitch.  And believe it or not, we were able to sell that bed after the last show to a young man who we called “Good Patches” (not to be confused with Bad Patches, our director).  Good Patches worked at the theater (although his position there was rather unclear) and had actually helped me nail the slates down.  So although we’re unsure of the bed’s fate, it’s assumed that it lives happily ever after a few stories above the theater.

Even though the bed gave us trouble, in theater you have to be prepared to handle setbacks, Rule # 1: The show must go on.  As the producer you have to deal with any and all problems that may arise, and lucky for us our problems required only nails and a little elbow grease.

Please enjoy this video clip of the live bed fail and actors hooking up on said bed

Last weekend I had the great pleasure of attending a reading of Mariana Carreño King’s play OFELIA’S LOVERS.  Not only was the reading free but they also provided the audience with wine, and since I’m not exactly rolling in cash these days and still enjoy the dubious benefits of alcohol, this was most agreeable.  There really is nothing quite like live theater, and I certainly don’t require a large production budget to be entertained.  Ofelia’s Lovers may not have had the money to construct a detailed set and elaborate costumes but what it did have was a captivating script and actors that captured and performed the characters beautifully.

I may be new to the working world and to my post as managing director of ICBINS but I’m no stranger to theater. Sure -  I somewhat enjoy fancy theatrics like actors disappearing in a cloud of smoke or swinging across the stage, but when it really comes down to it and what I will take away with me and ponder for weeks to come is the dialogue.  Some of my all time favorite performances had a minimal set with one setting and actors that sat around (they didn’t fly) and just talked.  That’s right, they talked – for two hours, and I could have sat through 10 more.  Not to say every dialogue heavy performance I’ve seen was spectacular but with the right story and the right cast everything else is just eye candy.

This is good news for a broke ass company like ICBINS.

As a new company, ICBINS doesn’t yet have a lot of money to spend on productions.  Starting at the bottom and working your way up seems daunting and hopeless for many who’d prefer to wait for an opportunity to be handed to them, but if you don’t learn by doing even at the most basic level you’ll have a much tougher time grasping the big picture in the long run.  When we designed the budget for our latest production of The Bros’ Play, we had to throw out conventional ideas and really get creative with our spending.  We were told by people experienced in the field that it’s not realistic to produce a play for less than $10,000 (and that’s without paying any of the staff).  Well they’d never met a resourceful bargain seeker steadfast and determined to put on a good show for little to nothing.

You don’t have to look too far to find people who share a passion for the theater and a willingness to lend a helping hand in any way possible, especially in NYC.  We were able to build a set with items from our own apartments and buy the rest from IKEA, which was a godsend for our budget.  All of us involved in the project went beyond what’s expected from our positions like writer, director, actor and producer.  We were able to put value into the production that no money could buy, and because of this everything came together nearly without flaw and we had a blast.   Putting on our first show taught us a lot about the craft, and as the productions get bigger and the donations get bigger we’ll have a better idea of how to make the most of our budget.  Of course it doesn’t hurt that writers for the shows we produce are phenomenal, and as ICBINS continues this journey, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a little more impressive eye candy.

FYI, ICBINS is getting back in gear and this summer we’re kicking off our reading series with a new play by Chiara Atik: When You Die, You Go to Target.  Public reading date TBA

producer benefits

No one is satisfied with their paycheck – except you. If there’s anything easier than stealing candy from a baby, it’s stealing money from an artist.  This includes anyone on the creative side of the production team.  These folks are fulfilling some kind of “dream” of theirs and would be willing to work for mere pennies.  YOU on the other hand, and those on the business side of the team are the brains of the operation – the reason these artists are successful.  Therefore, YOU should be paid liberally. That is after all why you studied something practical and boring like Finance, Economics or Cinema Studies.

cack              cack                                                         cack

perfect worker

Your production staff includes twice as many medics than normal productions.  Not only do your employees tremble in fear at the sound of your voice, inflated occurrences of stress induced panic attacks are humdrum around your set.  Better to be feared than loved so they say.  I couldn’t agree more.  Nothing encourages a more dedicated and enthusiastic worker than unmitigated fear.

cack

you at night

Crying yourself to sleep at night.  It takes a superhuman ability to create the perfect work environment with the most efficient methods of operation.  As the producer, you not only have the most responsibility but the most important responsibility.  You must summon divine Herculean powers to endure such a task.  It stands to reason you’d need ample time at night to return to normalcy.  If you’re not crying yourself to sleep, you’re doing something wrong – obviously, you’re not working hard enough.

cack

And finally, the foremost indicator for success:                           cack

Bitches

Bitches

-Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer Extraordinaire

Is this missing from your productions?

It’s no secret that scantily clad ladies and bare-chested men have been drawing audiences to all types of media since Adam and Eve noticed each other’s naughty parts.

Even with a failing economy one thing remains constant….SEX IS SELLING

To Producers: If you’ve been struggling to get people in the seats it may be time to reevaluate the material you are presenting to your audience.   You need to be asking your writers a few questions before you decide to take on their projects:

Writers: Is your work inspiring? Is it well written? Would your renowned professors at that prestigious university you went to be proud? If you answered yes to these questions- that’s great, no no, that’s terrific!  But the question you should be asking is: Does your stageplay/screenplay contain two or more smoking hot women making out? Skim through your stage directions…is there sideboob?

Here are a few Statistics, after the jump:

People spent $71 million on opening weekend to see hot women make out on cars in the Fast & Furious.  Oscar buzz? Unlikely.  Pants buzz? I think SO.

Some of the longest running shows on Broadway contain great music and fabulous performances, but more importantly they offer good old fashioned raunchiness.

Take a look at musicals like Chicago (provocative cabaret inmates), Rent (provocative cabaret indigents), and Avenue Q (provocative cabaret puppets).  All are doing quite well at the box office.

According to playbill.com, Chicago filled 88.2% of its seats last week, while Shrek the Musical filled only 57.1%.  Perhaps Shrek’s producers would do well to add a little nip-slip somewhere during the performance; I can guarantee they’d have no trouble filling those seats after that.

So there you have it in COLD HARD MEMBERS NUMBERS.  Every single person in the audience needs to be stimulated both mentally and physically, whether it be subconscious arousal or the more blatant and awkward.  When people go to the theater they don’t want to leave with something intellectual and contemporary to banter about around the punch bowl.

As the producer, you have the power – don’t be afraid to ask your writers to do a few rewrites.  The plot isn’t going to be affected with the addition of one small steamy make-out session or a gratuitous wardrobe malfunction.  It can only incite better and more word-of-mouth!  In this day and age, for a production to be truly successful the audience needs to cry and laugh their socks off, go home and get their rocks off.

Till next time,

Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer, Pragmatist

Producing Guru

It gives me tremendous pleasure to introduce myself to the world of blogging.  To be honest, when I was first asked to be a part of the ICBINS blog my initial feeling was that of aversion and quite frankly annoyance, but my distaste for the idea has now turned into genuine excitement.  As you may know, my game is producing, and to keep my expertise a secret would be a disservice to aspiring producers everywhere.  I’m sure you’re aware that it’s not easy to succeed in this business, but I’m here to show you the way, to shed a little light on the path to victory if you will.  I’ve never considered myself a mentor per se, but the notion that there is someone more qualified than myself to brave this task is laughable at best…

I’ll warn you; my methods might at times seem a bit unconventional and appear to be counterintuitive, but I assure you, they’re nothing short of infallible.  I didn’t attain this level of accomplishment and renown by reading some high-flown producing manual or other asinine form of worthless rhetoric.  No, I clawed my way to the top simply by pioneering my very own style and approach to producing. The realm of theater would be significantly more efficient if my ideas were applied. So it only seems appropriate that I extend my unbounded knowledge on the subject to all who care to be enlightened.

And with that, I’ll leave you with what I consider one of the most important truths to succeeding, and not just for theater, but for life in general. It’s not “what” you know, but rather “who” you know that will ultimately steer your career towards the desolate but elite top.

And though I’m sure most of you reading this know no one of significant importance, what I can offer is this: While you can’t exactly say you know me (that would be a pathetic sham), what you can and should proudly declare is that you are educating yourself by reading the transcribed thoughts of one of the most influential giants in the business. And that, my ardent readers, will undoubtedly point you in the right direction. Until next time.

Very Yours Truly,

Lauren B. Ferrel, Producer, Altruist